What to do when grandparents refuse to babysit their grandchildren? That’s the dilemma a 29-year-old woman faced, shocked to learn that her own mother refused to babysit her baby.
A young mother named Nina was surprised to learn that her retired mother refuses to babysit her baby. The 64-year-old grandmother wants to be paid for her time and services. Nina then asked on Reddit if it’s unreasonable to expect free care, as relayed by our colleagues at the New York Post in an article published on January 23, 2023.
An hourly rate to babysit her granddaughter
Nina’s mother demanded $20 an hour to take care of her little girl. A situation that does not suit her daughter. Indeed, although their baby was only a few months old, her parents were already considering daycare. With over $7,000 in debt, Nina fears that daycare costs will make their financial situation worse. She hopes to rely on her mother for help, but she is shocked to learn that her mother charges an hourly rate to look after her little girl. Nina asked her mother for help because she plans to return to work and does not want to go further into debt by paying for daycare.
Her grandmother did not agree with her daughter returning to work, and believes that she should stay home to care for her baby.
A difficult financial situation
In a post she sent to Reddit, Nina explains that her mother, 64, has been a stay-at-home mom since 1992, and has not worked since. She says that the reason her mother refused to look after the little girl for free is because she is tired with age and has already raised her own children. The latter also believes that if her daughter wanted this baby, she should have thought about it before and considered staying at home, as she did to take care of her baby, while her partner works and provides for them. It is not easy, however. Like many families, one salary is not enough to support them.
Babysitting under conditions
Nina explains that she and her husband currently live in a small one-bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area. She adds that they need to save money to move to a two-bedroom apartment once the baby grows up, because they will need more space. Although she explained to her mother the financial crisis she was going through with her husband, she still demands a payment of $20 per hour (the equivalent of 18.48 euros) plus late fees.
The grandmother also demanded to have all the equipment she would need, such as a car seat, stroller, bottles and diapers. Nina’s mother also added that she would not keep the baby at her own daughter’s house. The grandmother said she does not set foot in her daughter’s house for personal reasons.
Nina explained that she wants to save money to reduce her couple’s debt and therefore does not want to pay her mother as much. She also said she is undecided about enrolling her baby in a daycare. This option remains interesting, because the cost would be lower overall and a little closer to where the family lives.
Especially since teleworking is not an option for the couple. On top of that, other members of the family work full time.
Following her share on Reddit, the mother was inundated with comments from more than 2,300 people who shared their advice and opinions with her. However, many took the grandmother’s side. One user commented: “Your mother doesn’t have to babysit for you.”
Other users understood the dilemma and were sympathetic. One user suggested that Nina make friends with other mothers in the same situation and exchange babysitting services, adding that if the mother is not interested, the couple should consider other options.
What about babysitting in France?
According to Ipsos, nearly two-thirds of parents, or 63%, use third parties to look after their children. The majority of parents, or 74%, choose their close relations such as family or friends, but around 29% use a babysitter.
According to Babysits.fr, the average rate for childcare in France in 2023 is €9.45 per hour. This average has increased by 12.5% since 2020, when the average hourly rate was €8.48. Note that the costs for a babysitting service vary depending on the region in which you reside.